of husbands and horatio caine

I believe that couples who couch-potato together have a fat chance of staying happy together. So being an attention-crazed wife, and knowing that there is a swarm of forces out there to distract Mike, I sometimes take the chance to sit beside him.

So I sat and screamed with him through the "PGA Open Tournament", "Robot Wars", and "F1 Racing" on cable tv. I sat with him in front of the pc and fidgeted when he played “NBA Live”, “Company of Heroes” and “Monopoly”. And I sat and admittedly appreciated the 12-dvd anniversary collection of "Cirque du Soliel", the 4-season collection of “24”, and lately, the 5-season collection of “CSI: Miami”.

Now I’m never into shows with a dead ugly body in every episode. But CSI: Miami, which does feature a dead body that comes bagged and gets studied as a specimen, is fast becoming a favorite. Not in the swooning oh-my-gosh manner of favorite, but the c’mon-do-you-believe-that well-would-that-blow-me-down favorite kind of way.

CSI: Miami is a show that calls out the bipolarity in you. On one hand you got good-looking second-lead actors dressed in lab gowns if they’re not gun-toting in a crime scene in downtown Miami. On the other hand you got an all-knowing super-duper set of computers that could tell you whose fingerprints match with whom, which flora has this leaf design in which park, what chemical will stay on fabric even after washing, and how all five crime suspects are traced to have stayed in the same residence by looking at the records for the past thirty years. Undeniably, nothing gets unsolved in this crime lab!

But at the center of the show is Horatio Caine. He is the supervisor at the Miami-Dade crime lab, heading his select group of crime scene investigators. Horatio has a lot going against him. Most importantly, he can never be the Miami Guy and have a chance of out-lodging that cute guy with the dimple from the old Miami Vice series. Horatio does not smile nor get excited; and he is angry, pestered by his own family and girlfriend issues. And he shoots his enemies, as crime cases usually end up becoming personal with him.

Now when in action, Horatio tries so hard to be the model of cool, and is consistently wearing a black jacket, no matter what the Miami heat. He must have camera issues as well, because he does not look at the person he talks to and just faces them when he reaches the last few words of his dialogue. Then add his obsession for his sunglasses. He dons them on before he delivers his man-of-the-universe lines and he even wears them straight into the sunset!

But Horatio takes tv into a different level with his one liners, being the know-it-all he-knows-better-than-everyone lieutenant. He speaks, looks at the ground, pauses, looks up, puts on sunglasses, and finishes his line. What could be more irritating and at the same time fascinating than that!

"Tomorrow is what you make of it."
"Everyone has something to hide."
"If I find out you did this you are going to pay."
"He is a liar. I just don't know what the lie is yet."
"Bag it, tag it and let's see what else is there!"
"Hold tight, it's about to get interesting."
"...when you're in Miami, we never close."

There are more of those one-liners. I should know, judging from the various websites dedicated to Horatio, created by people who both love him and loathe him. Mike gets a big kick reading out to me the different entries and forums on the character.

Yet Horatio surges on as CSI: Miami was adjudged the most watched tv series in America - while Mike places his hands on his hips, takes a silly pose and gives me the dark man-of-the-law I’m-gonna-getcha look, before he closes the bathroom door.

I laugh aloud. Horatio and husbands. It’s a world that revolves around a man they call “H”.