Tuesday, March 27, 2007

frustration survey

I used to be with this car dealership company. I could remember there was a day when I was slouched on an armchair inside the training room. Through the window I was given a view of the golf course, but somehow I was not able to see how green it was. Work had become bad and I was feeling rotten, so incapable.

While taking that short break in that room, I came across this snippet in the local newspaper. After reading it, I realized I am not a special victim and that I am not alone after all. How I wish I copied the name of the author that time too. But the message really made me feel better that until now it is still printed on a small stationery to remind me to get up. Especially when I'm slumped. Like today.

I just looked for that little piece. Because I guess I need it so badly. And it kind of reminds me of Bert's words sent through the SMS: that I am just tired today. And tomorrow I will be happy. And in fact, I have more happy days than sad ones.

As usual, wisdom comes when needed. But when, and only when, one is ready to listen. Here is the little piece of paper. Think about it:

"Everybody
puts time and effort into work which turns out to be useless;
runs into several snags on any undertaking;
finds his efforts undone by somebody else;
gets further delayed when he is already late.

"Everybody
can't find some indispensable tool or piece of paper
when he's all ready to start a project;
does a good job for which someone else is rewarded;
loses out on something which was almost in the bag.

"Everybody
finds an apparently simple task difficult to do;
often fails to get what he wants;
has his best-laid plans fall apart;
now and then finds everything just too much for him."

Saturday, March 24, 2007

waking up sleeping beauty

She lies there, in exquisite repose, waiting for the saving powers of true love’s kiss so she may wake up from a sleep of a hundred years.

Is this the anomaly begun by the Brothers Grimm and perpetuated by the animated movie of Walt Disney?


Lining up the paper dolls of the various female princess characters we have collected from Disney movies, I could pick out Sleeping Beauty as the least of my favorite.


Jasmine in her midrib-revealing outfit went and left behind the comforts of her palace walls to experience the real world; Ariel in her sexy top and tail thirsted and searched fathoms below for new things to learn; and Belle in her low-décolletage golden gown pored over books and established a civil and friendly relationship with a hideous beast.


But Sleeping Beauty? She just anchored on one dream, the dream of true love. Living your whole life on a dream of true love may be romantic and all, yet how simple that could be! And uninteresting!


Is it not a pity that you are in your own life movie, and you are asleep in the most part of it? Oh of course you were good when you were still awake, gently cavorting with the forest animals and nature, dancing and longing for that once upon a dream meeting with the love of your life, and walking like the way the noble would walk. Yet no matter how queenly and enchantingly you lie there, the question is - where is the action?


Jasmine gets a race with a young man in downtown area; Ariel skips a concert and gets a loud scolding; Belle has to walk miles between her father and a beast she realized she loves; and Sleeping Beauty - well, she sleeps and waits for a prince to kiss her so she’ll get animated.


I think we move the stories of our lives each time we grow, stumble upon a truth, shake off a fear, face a challenge, and shed a wrong conviction. Not when we are comatose and fully surrendering to our lot.


So Sleeping Beauty just had the luck that her prince is an ideal man, and is ready to fight dragons for her. But luck and long tresses and the classic gown aside, she deserves the wake up call presented by Shrek – a good shaking, and the chance for her to own up the happy ever after of the story of her life.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

the girl in the looking-glass

It's not for me to say.
But maybe asking questions can help.

Who am I?
1. A person trapped in a female body
2. A spoiled brat of a wife
3. A proud mother of two daughters
4. A career woman lost in circles
5. A clothes crazy with not enough cabinets

Who do I want to be?
1. A poster-perfect mom of a third-born son
2. A flourishing practicing accountant
3. A cattle ranch and orchard farmer
4. A cosmopolitan traveler
5. A writer with my view of the ocean

Who do I wish to be but never could have the chance?
1. A courageous sailor in the high seas
2. A shady red-lipsticked politician
3. A famous serial killer with initials as a name
4. A director of epic multi-million movie productions
5. Divinely beautiful, dazzlingly clever, angelically good

Who am I when no one is watching?
1. A kindling waiting and ready to spark
2. A trying-hard with a bad back
3. A corny romantic optimist
4. A self-confessed schizophrenic
5. An insecure snob (this is an oxymoron at its best)

Monday, March 12, 2007

a business management game

Search from the Internet these days, and it would give you a long list of business and management books available that tells the reader how to run a profitable successful business. They delve in a variety of topics, from corporate policy to marketing management to value chains to competitive analysis to statistical performance.

But I’ve had my personal glimpse of how to run a successful business through a game.

The business management game was a learning tool in the Production Management subject in the MBA Program of Xavier University. It was to me, the most consuming sit-down strategy game I ever played in my life. It is not that I played so many strategy games, nor there were opportunities for it. But it was the most consuming nevertheless.

In the material provided, it said that the management game aims to provide the participants with the opportunity to apply their various functional skills as well as decision-making tools. In essence, we were 5 teams pitted against one another as hypothetical, one-product, durable consumer-goods companies competing within the same industry.

When the game started, I was reminded of the concept of the cash flow quadrant that was presented by Robert Kiyosaki. I’ve read an article about him and Donald Trump, and the game brought me to think of the many ways I should approach the game – as the manager of the company; as the self-employed consultant of the company; as the business owner and one of the stockholders; or as an investor in the company that earns a passive income from its operations. In that way, I would know how my cash comes from the business in the management game.

It turns out, because of a cruel twist of a funny elimination method in my group, I was elected Chief Executive Officer of the company. I was afraid and not excited to act and take the responsibility of being the CEO of our group. But looking back now, I knew that the lessons I have learned from the game came from the fact that I was group CEO, come zero sales or stock-outs.

In my group, we were six in all. Unlike other groupings in the game, we did not become a business entity because we were friends or we picked each other out from the students in the classroom. Our group came to be because we were the ones without a group. Almost everyone in the group had been absent during the first day of class, when it was announced that there will be groups for the business game. And since we missed the announcement day, we just have to form an alliance with those that were renegades in the class.

Yet even with that fact, we six in the group started to meld as the game started. Because of the circumstance that brought us together, we started to believe and depend on each other. Deep in all of us six, we all wanted the group to understand - and play the game well.

We threw inspiring titles and roles all around – Chief Operating Officer, Corporate Secretary, Chief Finance Officer, Chief Administrative Officer, Chief Marketing Officer.

The basic point I learned from the game is this: that a great business needs a clear mission, an inspiring and impressive leadership, a competent team of managers who work well together, an excellent cash flow and financing, a clear and effective sales and marketing communications, a production systems that work efficiently, and most of all, a great product.

But I guess the operative word for our group is this: system. I looked at my group mates and game partners and I believe that they are all great individuals, with a pack of experience and stock knowledge and varying levels of confidence each one brings into the game. Yet there was no system to our game. At most there was fear of spending too much and losing cash, and at worst there was the "bahala na" attitude because of the thought that it was just a game.

I honestly found myself exasperated with the game. A stickler for systems, I did not like the fact that there was no information available, or deliberately kept from the players. I do not know, see nor have the chance to gauge my product against the other group’s, I cannot see the marketing efforts translated to advertising and promotions, I cannot have access to data and information that will help me study my group’s standing in the game. And of course, there was no system.

The game gave me the taste of how it was to be CEO. I have read somewhere that the difference between the businessman and the CEO is that the businessman is the person who builds great race cars and a CEO is like the driver of the race car. If you have a great race car driver but a poorly built race car, the CEO will lose every race.

My group met regularly to prepare for the game. We goaded each other to read, we were our own cheering squad. The other groups boasted of their own resident CPAs and engineers. We had no professionals like that in the group. Except for one member who is a manager of a nation-wide systematized business, we in the group were just a motley crew of business starters that were committed to finish the game.

I personally prepared templates for our decisions in the game, especially the ledgers to keep track of account balances. I plotted out expenses in a table, as well as sales or non-sales, as the case may be. I was trying to get trends, forcing myself to make a semblance of order in our business. I was thinking like a surfer, looking for a wave so I can ride it, and close a quarter with a good sales figure and make my group happy. But I could not find one wave.

I realized that it all boiled down to one thing: decisions. As the group faced a rocky start, everyone was discouraged and lost focus. We tried to anchor on the choices and judgment of one member. If it did not work, we asked another member to make the assessment and the choice for the next period. If the majority approved it, I give the go signal; yet oftentimes in the game, some members do not want to make decisions for the fear of mistakes. I challenged them, offering to buy them dinner if we make it good. Yet I knew that at the end the decisions have to be made and these decisions will end with me.

We did not end the game at the lead of the class. But though it was a lost case, I think I did not lose the lessons, and that is very important for me. And though we never made it to dinner, I think everyone has learned to respect and appreciate each other in the group. And to realize that it’s just all in the game.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

one night in a life

I am pleased with my efforts of being a strict mom, and have always kept a schedule for night time. Play, dinner, study, wash, bed. The girls are to be abed at eight o'clock in the evening - most often to say their prayers and go to sleep, but sometimes to chat for awhile among themselves, or for me to comb their hair with a hundred strokes, and if sleep is difficult to come by, to read a book till they get drowsy.

I was relaxing with a glass of red wine and Reader's Digest when I heard her sniffling by my bedroom door. She was crying because she could not sleep. My eight-year old baby girl.

So I walked her back to the bedroom she shared with her older sister. She went back to her bed, wiping her tears. I comforted her that she does not have to cry if she cannot sleep. She was worried she will lack some sleeping hours. I look at her and wonder if she might be more worried about being the only one awake in the house.

I combed her hair with my hand. Her hair has grown into this wonderfully straight soft dark brown. She used to have just a fistful of strands standing up in a funny way, but that was eight years ago. When Brahm's lullaby, my squeaky version, was enough.

So I got my lotion and massaged her arms, her back, her stomach, her legs. Then I eased myself beside her in the bed. I touched her cheeks as she faced me with her eyes closed. She whispered, goodnight mom. I whispered back, goodnight Gela, I love you.

She smiled, with her eyes shut tightly, forcing sleep to come.

Then she reached for my arm and squeezed it a little. I'm glad you're here mom. I squeezed back. I'm happy and privileged to be here. After a few seconds, she squeezed once more. You're still here. I squeezed back again. Yes, and I'm not leaving till you're well asleep. Our silent conversation.

Gela and I have devised that secret means of communication. Walking along the aisles of the city malls, we would be swaying and we would be squeezing each other's hands. To signal a pretty dress on display, a new Barbie doll model, or just to remind that the pointing must stop.

Then it hit me. Lying down there face to face with my daughter, I realized that will be how I will go. I'd be in my sickbed and unable to talk. For all my prattle and nonstop talk now, I think I'll be speechless when it's my time to go. And I'll be holding her hand. Her hand because she will be squeezing me softly, and asking me to squeeze back. And I will. And when I will stop, then that is it.

It flashed before me clearly like a neon sign. And silently, I cried and laughed and cried. And knew completely that I love very much this girl, who now has stopped squeezing my hand. She is fast asleep.

Goodnight my darling girl. Sweet dreams.